Portal Stage, Shambhala Music Festival [Salmo, BC] Canon EOS 20D w/70-200mm f4 L Zoom

I just returned from a trip to the Shambhala Music Festival in Salmo, BC (photos already up at Flickr! ). I had the pleasure of traveling with some of the finest friends and campmates a girl could wish for, experienced some beautiful scenery and some powerful music, and reconnected with a lost part of my soul. What follows is an excerpt I wrote in an email to a good friend upon returning home, which speaks to where my head and heart have been lately, and where I hope to be going...

As well as being fun, the weekend also though-provoking and somewhat enlightening for me. For as much as I had been looking forward to the summer and festival season, I'm finding myself rather socially tapped out and somewhat dissatisfied with the direction I've let my social life go this summer. I feel like I've spread myself too thin and formed a large number of casual contacts, but have largely failed to do what I know in my heart really matters, which is deepening the bonds with a smaller number of people who I love and who love me. Instead, I've been sending my scattered energy out in all directions in an unfocused way, and find I've become someone I barely recognize and don't much like: one of the shallow, pretty people. I'm tired of always looking past the person I'm talking to to see who else's eye I might catch, tired of flitting around events saying hello to the 200 or so people in the community I know by name, tired of looking past the moment I'm in towards some imagined future moment, tired of meeting so many new people on only a most cursory of levels, tired of the wall that I've somehow erected around my heart that doesn't let anyone past my surface.

I want to look deeply into the eyes of my friends and spend long moments there finding what's in their souls. I want to make eye contact with strangers, the kind that recognizes the divinity in each one, without obligation but with potential. I want to revel in the time I spend with my dear ones and enjoy their company deeply. I want to share conversations with interesting and thoughtful people about what matters in their world or our world. I want to be here, now.

I want to be the kind of person who is noticed for her inner beauty first. I want to feel joy and awe and wonder deeply and sincerely, and let that joy seep past me to those around me. I want to be the kind of person who notices the superpowers in everyone I encounter. I want to move past the need I feel to be noticed and liked by everyone. I want to be more fully present, more welcoming, more positive, more fun.

I used to be that girl. I'm not sure where or how along the way I lost her and became this other, shallower person. I remember being that other girl; I liked her better. Luckily, I think I know where and how to find her.